Those Sparkling Eyes...

Even after being born in the southern most part of the country, Kerala! I have always been fond of Bollywood...it will not be an exaggeration if I say I have watched Hindi movies more than Malayalam ones! I did that, and it made me happy!

Been a fan of #SRK since childhood, even before I could remember!

More than films I used to be a cricket fan back then, #MSD being my favorite ever!

The day when I came to know his biopic is gonna hit the big screens, I can say I was the most excited fan ever!

Then when I saw the posters and trailers I got to know that Sushant Singh Rajput is playing that role! I recollected my memory of seeing him in Kai Po Che some 2-3 years back and also in Pavitra Rishta even before that!

I hoped if he could do justice with the character, but still I doubted that!

But once when I saw the movie for the first time, (obviously I have seen it a hundred more times since then) I was left spellbound 😍

I couldn't see Sushant anywhere in that movie, I could only see Dhoni 😍

I was surprised with the work he has done...that where possibly could that charming, energetic and always smiling fellow hide behind the boots of this calm, composed and serious man! It was amazing...❤️

Later I saw this stunning man in PK and Chhichhore before he took his last breath!

I felt cheated when I heard the news of his suicide some one week after I saw the movie Chhichhore 🥺 I was left in shock and tears!

As I was an emotional fool, it hit me hard!

I couldn't talk to people for two days, eat or sleep properly, with his news kept coming on my facebook, twitter and insta newsfeeds I was even terrified to open any of them! I try to shut myself from the world for a while, I kept weeping over time and again whenever I saw something related to him, When my friends tried to console me all I could wish was if he could have got a single friend who cared for him, a single friend who could console him the way they do to me!

The whole world started to feel like a big lie to me,

I stopped believing in happy faces,

I had severe trust issues,

I could no longer believe in the sole idea of happiness,

It turned out that films are fake, all of them are!

Because the guy who taught me to fight against suicide, just ended his life on a knot!

I wish people could have been a bit more caring, a bit more sensitive and above all a bit less fake😞

Sometimes I feel that he left so early because within this short span of time he achieved everything that he could possibly can or ever dreamt of!

May be, even after getting all those he found himself sad! He must have felt that he failed himself, he couldn't find the happiness he always logged for! And may be that's when he took his own life!

Then again, he didn't thought it necessary to pen down a "Suicide Note" , May be he doesn't wanted to blame people, he doesn't wanted to be discussed and investigated further, he doesn't wanted to...🙂

Gem of a Person he was!

The last thing I could remember thinking of him is his innocent smile🦋 

#Cheerachi

Being Emotional is Okay!

Being sensitive or emotionally weak is never easy!

Whenever something horrible happens, you feel left alone. People always tell you to get over it, to not to be obsessive of your emotions, even not to create fuss over little things at times. But only you know deep inside how it feels, no matter how many times you try to keep that thought away and be happy, eventually it will come back to you haunting. Life feels miserable at some point with nobody to actually understand what is happening deep inside you. I am so sensitive that even phrases like "committed suicide" and "slaughtered like animals" frightens me, like how can someone "commit" suicide ? Suicide is not a crime!

What does "Slaughtered" like animals means? How can someone slaughter animals? Don't they breathe? Or is that their lives doesn't matter?

You see, I have this overflow of emotions at night. Some little thing that is buried deep inside my heart that even I don’t understand and I guess it has to do something with the nights especially! They come and hit me so harder in the nights and literally snatch away my sleep. And all I can do is nothing but “CRY”.

But being an emotional fool has its own advantages and disadvantages. Being emotional is a sign that you empathize for people, you care for others, it is a reminder to yourself that you are a good person, far good for these people to even understand.

Over all these years the most important thing that I  learned for myself is that deliberately avoiding the things and memories that makes me sad will never help me get past it. I prefer to stay in places that frightens me because life will move on but memories wont change, the past wont change, what I have been through wont change, only thing that changes will be the time. But for me, I prefer to stay back at that point where I was shattered, broken down to pieces...

Stay there for as long as that I feel like now it doesn't make any difference even if I choose to stand there or move on! 

I always try to get attached to those memories to the extent where it becomes a part of myself and no longer holds the power to hurt me. Since every time something weird happens, for example someone dies who matter a lot to me, a part of me will always cherish them rather than trying to get rid of their memories. A part of my heart will always try to keep them alive within me. I know this sounds stupid, but this actually worked for me.

Life begins there...at that point when you no longer care what others say!

So stand still, raise your head, fight your emotions!

If you fail... Stand Again, try, try and try until you succeed!

I know it is the hardest of fights that one will ever have,

to fight with yourself...

to fight with your emotions...

But I do this every day, every minute, every second of my life! I choose it for myself!

Now, Being Emotional is Okay!

#Cheerachi

    Pic Credit: Vishakh Kunjumon (@auteur_ayna)