I believed my life was mine until...

I believed my life was mine until I lost one of my best friends

The moment I heard that news and the moment I had to believe it, would always remain two of the most painful ones in my life.

How do you put that feeling into words when you realise that a person whom you have known for more than 20 years of your life won't be there in your journey ahead?

He won't be there to tease you anymore,

You won't hear him call you stupid names anymore,

You don't need to expect him at your doorstep on any random day ever again,

You don't need to check out on his house every time you pass by to see if he is there in front of it or not, 

You won't get to see his innocent eyes flutter with his childish smile, 

You won't get to see him ever again! Not in this life!

All you get to see is, him turning into ashes! And you know that sight is going to haunt you until you breathe your last.

After the latter, my life changed forever and I couldn't do a thing🙂

Now I couldn't laugh to the fullest, every laugh I ever had since that moment ends in a delusion, a constant conflict with myself asking me the same question that if am I really happy?

And the answer always comes as a smirk on the corner of my lips that gradually fades into a frown.

I believed my life was mine until I realised it wasn't actually mine

Every single person I love remains the owner of it.

It's not like that I don't love others as much as I loved him, I do!

But nobody can replace another person and the void that he has left behind will forever bleed within.

Does that mean life would stop when someone close to us departs?

No, it won't!

Life must go on, no matter what, the only difference is that I am left in constant fear of losing someone, every second, every moment for the rest of my life!

You promised me that you will be there to see me succeed and then you left!

You are a cheater Peece🙂

I know I am a brave girl, I know I can fight this through but then again ...

Sometimes it feels like I can't do this anymore, 

I can't pretend to be okay when I am all broken inside.

I can't pretend to smile when all I want to do is cry my heart out.

I can't stop thinking about you when all I am left with is your thoughts.

I can't really wake up one day and move on like nothing happened when deep down I know my life would never be the same.

I have lost a friend whom I know would always be there for me no matter what!

They say self-love is important and I do agree.

But love those who are important to you without setting bars, because tomorrow isn't promised 🙂 Tell them how you feel for them, because you may not get a chance in future.

#Cheerachi will always love you #Peece ❤️